I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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