Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
