i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
