Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
