god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
