Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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