"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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