you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
