I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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