tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
