Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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