At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize