Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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