Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
