i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
