So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
