Swine flu. Run for my life!
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
