Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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