Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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