Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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