Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
tonight lets celebrate not being married
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
