we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I could make wine with my vomit
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
