plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
