At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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