You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You're a waste of cheezeits
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
