I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
