do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
