My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize