Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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