Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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