He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
