i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
