Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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