That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
