So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
