her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
