Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
