Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
