Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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