She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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