This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
