Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
