We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
