You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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