If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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