I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
