he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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