it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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