everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize