I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
