Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
