Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
