does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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