Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
