craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
This toilet bowl is my home.
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