so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
