Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
