you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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