Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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