i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
