bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
