i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
