You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
