i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
