all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
