walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
