hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
