atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Actions speak louder than pants.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
