Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
