he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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