quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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