Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
