All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
After tacos, we're chasing women.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
